Don't drink: Day 2

The thing about giving up alcohol is that all the support apps, websites and groups are squarely aimed at people who have negative experiences because of their drinking: hangovers, family conflicts, poor work performance, feeling physically crap after a heavy session. 

But I don't drink like that. I am never more than tipsy. The way I drink is by just taking a swig regularly throughout the day. That means that on weekdays, simply due to being asleep and at work, I don't have as many hours in a day to "swig" my way through a bottle. But at weekends, when I am pottering around the house, I do. 

But although it sounds awful when you say you finished a bottle of spirits in 24 hours, it doesn't seem quite as awful when you realise that is "achieved" by simply having a quick drink every time I walk past the bottle. 

Enough to make me feel merry. To get that nice burning sensation in my mouth. Not enough to have a hangover. Or to have any impact on my sleep. Or my work. Or my social relationships.

There are 2 reasons I want to stop doing this: it is expensive. And I know it is not good for my health, despite not feeling drunk. I mean, the advise is no more that 14 units per week. Some weeks I have 40. Spread out over a few days. Then I won't have any until I have time to go to the shop. 

So it is hard to pinpoint my drinking habits. 

I guess I am just annoyed by the mental addiction. If I wasn't somehow addicted, I would not feel sad when leaving work at the thought there is no nice flavoured gin/rum/whiskey to sip when I come home. Yeah, I don't even mix it. Because that takes time to do, and, more importantly, requires you to sit down and drink it. I don't have that time. Well, I do. I just can't sit still long enough to "savour" anything.  Busy. Things to do. Chop chop.  

I have a lot of thoughts about the way I consume alcohol. But basically it is the same as the way I consume anything I like: I will eat/drink the whole packet as soon as possible because I love it. Crisps, chunks of cheese, chololate... I can never just have some lying around. I either have it and eat it, or I don't have it and don't worry about it. And then I'll just wait until I can buy more. Which may be a day, or 2, or 3. And I won't feel cravings for it on those days. I just struggle with denying myself things. I fancy a new guitar: want it NOW. I fancy crisps? I shall eat the whole bag! Fancy the taste of Jack Daniels Honey? I shall have it NOW. So what if it is only 10am? It seems to me I drink in an ADHD way :-)

Buy I absolutely hate feeling drunk. And I am never drunk. Because I have enough self discipline to not drink a lot in a short period of time. I spread it out over hours/days. Despite drinking a lot, I can't remember the last time I was drunk. In a pub, I will happily drink softdrinks. So it is not about getting alcohol in me at any possibility. 

So all those support apps and groups talk about how I will notice I will feel better, be more social and so on... Those benefits don't apply to me. So why stop drinking? 

Because it is expensive. And because regardless of how those units enter my body, 30+ units is too much in a week. 

I am asking myself to do something that makes me feel sad right now and which gives me no immediate discernable benefits. The benefits are the future health of my liver and wallet. 

So I am asking someone with ADHD to control their impulses and restrict their joy, to help avoid a problem in the future that may or may not happen. 

Hahaa. Lol.

Anyway... Day 2.