I am all for openness about mental health. So here it is: Passive suicidal ideation. I have happy moments. I am not unhappy 24/7. Yet, for about 3 years now (no guessing what happened), every day I think: Meh, I wouldn't mind if I didn't wake up tomorrow, this just isn't worth all the effort I am putting into keeping going.
Ironically, the unbearable thought that something I do might somehow have a negative impact on someone else, no matter how small (one of the things that often paralyses me in putting my own needs first), is also what is ensuring it won't happen. The pain it would cause others is keeping me safe so don't worry.
But it sure is tiresome.
Please do take a couple of minutes to read the article. You may find it helpful to know the difference between passive and active ideation.
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