Divorce

I filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery. I will spare you the details, although if you are reading this blog, you are probably a friend of mine and you will know what has happened. After my first wife died, I knew that I would have married her even if I had known how it would end. Even though her death was the most horrid thing, I would have done it all again, in exchange for the loving time we had together. The pain was worth it.This year has been the hardest of my life. Yes, harder than when Jane died. More devastating with probably more long-lasting destructive effects on me. More money spent on therapy that will be ongoing for a long time in order to re-gain some semblance of self-esteem and some small ability to trust people.

I don't know if I will ever learn to enjoy any memories of my marriage to C because so many years of it, I was sharing it with a man I thought was my friend. The pain was not worth it. At all. There were not enough happy times, in hindsight, to make up for the pain and long-term damage. Nothing is worth what she put me through, the impact on my future relationships and feelings of deceit and betrayal. I have come through the angry stage. I am trying to develop some kind of relationship with her although she says she has never been friends with her exes. This, of course, does not surprise me, because seeing her exes presumably reminds her of her guilt all the time. Best to avoid people, rather than face your feelings.